Monday, March 15, 2010

Zen and Chaos meet again


Give me at least bragging rights for my efforts...it is not for lack of trying or even for lack of knowledge that I stumble upon chaos when I try to be Zen. Do you know how many times I've read Marianne Williamson's Gift of Love, or reread paragraphs from Gangaji in You are That? I've got the beginners guide to Buddhism and Hatha Yoga at my fingertips. I will tell you that despite my sincere wishes to have peace, I have chaos all around me. The dogs bark at 6 am. My seven year old daughter creeps in the bedroom at wee hours. My husband patiently awaits his morning coffee which if you haven't guessed, I am preparing. I vowed to give myself private time, so I set my alarm for 5:30 am. I tip-toe out of bed, and feel the peace entering my body, until BOOM, my husband appears, the dogs and my daughter all wondering if everything is OK? Well I can joke about this now, but at the time I wanted to cry. But Gangaji made a point in saying that the calm can be found in a NYC packed elevator. So I realized this recently that Chaos is to Zen, as labor is to birth. I finally am embracing that both can coexist and I don't need to have one or the other. Just need to explain to the dogs that licking my face is not a part of my meditation!

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